I keep having these existential breakdown moments where I think, "Can I even do this?" The answer is yes, it is always yes, it will always be yes, but I don't know. You know what I mean?

I've been thinking a lot about my major too. It took me forever to finally just be like, I want to do biology, so I'm going to do biology. I am so so so happy with it too. But now I have to think, what do I want to do with it? Well, I've switched from Ecology and Evolution to Cell and Molecular, because I've been so inspired this semester, with Dr. Meigs and Calla (my TA) and it's been amazing. I kind of love it. I know it'll be a lot harder, but I can do it. But then, what am I going to do with cell and molecular? I know I always said I never want to be a doctor, I don't do that blood stuff, plus I want to do research, but I'm having second thoughts. I don't know. To save people's lives... that's amazing. But I really really want to do research. And I really don't like all that blood stuff. And I don't want to be in school for the next 10 years of my life, but it would be so amazing to be like a surgeon or something and know that everyday you are saving people's lives, people will go on living and being happy and maybe get one more chance at something because of you. I don't know. I've got time. I'm on a good track. I'll stick out the 5 year plan at Asheville, and keep on moving on to where ever and I'll figure it out eventually. But everytime I listen to Calla or Ben or any of the other kids in Dr. Meig's lab talk about their research, I always think, "I will never be that smart." They are seriously some of the smartest kids I know, and I love them, and I admire them so much for what they do. I want to be like them. I want to work in Meig's lab and do cancer research. Meig's is amazing.